Though rain is falling today as if the sky is crying, yesterday was the first day of a summer filled with sunshine. The pool club opened yesterday, which was our official beginning of summer and the swim season. It was not surprising that the majority of the girls I recognized from my swim team were wearing bikinis, and a few of them lost a lot of weight. It came to me that I was probably one of only two girls of my age or older still wearing a sporty one-piece, and I was no doubt the heaviest. I am not one to complain about my weight or that I'm "fat" because I am actually pretty normal sized compared to a large chunk of America right now. It just made me a little mad that these girls could just go around wearing skimpy bathing suits that hardly look comfortable, and my body was not made that way. Please don't assume that I'm jealous of them though, because I am just the opposite. Of course, I envy their flat stomachs and their obvious, (sometimes obnoxious,) confidence, but I hardly feel any jealousy towards the annoying ridiculousness that is their conformity to modern day society. (I hope those were the right words for it.)
There is this one girl who I was once kinda-friends with, and last year she started wearing these tankinis, inspiring me to get the confidence to wear the same style, which would have made me feel awkward a year before since they made it possible to show a bit of stomach. I cannot tell you how much I looked up to her. Now this summer, she lost weight and now continues to be a follower in that I saw her wearing a bikini just like all of her pretty, (almost) perfect friends. I felt happy for her that she finally had the body she always wanted, but it made me furious that now I would once again be alone in one way or another. If you could not tell already, I have a one-third jealous, one-third dislike, one-third respect feeling towards that huge group of girls who all seem to look the same. I say they all look the same because they are all gorgeous, good-at-everything-especially-swim, popular, and all wear the same type of clothing. Once upon a time, I wanted to be one of them, but as of today, I am happy being pretty damn unique in comparrison. On the other hand, some of them are people I look up to academically or for something courageous they have done, so I hope you understand that this post was not written to express complete jealousy towards everyone. But for the girls I definitely do not look up to, I know that one day, I will do something great and when that day comes, they might finally have a one-third jealous, one-third dislike, one-third respect feeling towards me.
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What I am currently reading: 1776 by David McCullough
In other news: Happy Memorial Day Weekend! It's bikini season....
Additional comment: (made 6/11/12) I really want to take this post off because I know that it shows a bad side of me, yet I am fascinated with my mother's description of my blog after she read this post. She described it as "well-written teenage angst". I hate that I find that hilarious!
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